Did you hear that JD Salinger’s toilet is for sale? Yup, you can buy it for… hold on, this is not for the faint of heart… one million dollars.  What a bargain! Now, before you start thinking that this is too much for  a literary giant’s personal throne, let’s just stop to imagine all of the great ideas that could have been hatched on that 1962 vintage Kohl.  We all know that Salinger’s house is supposedly stashed full of manuscripts (you knew that, right?).  Hell, the next great American Novel could have been conceived on that toilet! Oh, if only I had the money!

Ready for my sad JD Salinger story…

About fifteen years ago I was outside of Hanover, New Hampshire for the Tree Farm Field Day.  This was held on top of a rather lovely mountain, but there was one major problem, it was pouring buckets.  Soaked, I tell you, I was soaked.  When I get too wet I start shaking and chattering until my husband finally banished me to the base of the mountain where I ended up reading in a coffee shop.  He stayed atop the mountain, checking out bogs, wood cuts, and whatever else they do on a Tree Farm Field Day.  When the day was done, Eric was riding down in this big old clunky trunk when he glanced at an older man.  You got it, freakin’ JD Salinger was at the Tree Farm Field Day and I ditched it.  I could have lived in that man’s back pocket! I could have forced him to take me home so I could have used his toilet. The very one that’s for sale.  Eric’s cooler than I am… he just gave a smile and a nod and that was it.

As many of you know, I must be right on the cusp of greatness with my novel (okay, after a possible rewrite), but I’d like to offer you my toilet for the bargain price of $500,000.  This is a sound investment.  You know that you will be able to double your money in the long run.  It’s no problem.  If you are not interested in that, I have a brand new humidifier that might strike your fancy.

JD Salinger, I’m sorry that I cannot afford your toilet.  I loved your books.  I admire your reclusive attitude and hear that you made a really fine hot cocoa for the local kids.  Send me some good writing mojo from the toilet in the sky, I think I’m going to need it!