You’d Like to Enroll my Bladder in What?

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(Cameron Kelly Rosenblum’s avatar of me.)

I have daily blog ideas floating around in my peabrain dying to get out, I’m gonna let this true story escape, mostly because I need to release it to the universe.

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You’d Like to Enroll…

(Caller ID said Florida, but it sounded a whole lot like India)

“Hello, I’m calling for Julie Kingssssllleeeey.”

“Yes,”  I say, listening to the paper rustling and obvious commotion.  “I’m she.”

“Yes, umm, Mrs. Kingssslllleeey,  I would like to discuss your bladder.”

“Really, my bladder?  That a very interesting subject.”

“Yes, it is. We’d like some pertinent information from your very valuable information about your very important organ.”

“Yes, bladders are important. Aren’t they? But we have a little problem, I only discuss my bladder with my personal friends and on my blog.”

“But, you see Mrs. Kingsssleyyyy, you may enroll your bladder in this very valuable law suit.”

“A very valuable law suit?”

“Yessss, you will be joining other bladders in this very lawsuit of value.”

“Well, if you put it that way.  Sign me up.”

“I thought that your bladder would say that because it is valuable.”

“And smart,” I say. “I’ve got a very smart bladder.”

Call center commotion.  A scream rings out.  And the line goes dead.  

“Call lady, you okay?”

******

 Honestly, you can’t make this stuff up.

 My bladder does feel somewhat violated.  Maybe, I’ll feed it some cranberry juice to make it all better.

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The Way Maine Should Be…

The way Maine should be…

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Image 4The way it is…

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Ski fail.

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The Accidental Diet.

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I’m thinking that the universe in possibly telling me to lose a few pounds.  Let’s get this straight, I’m not a dieter.  I believe in butter and salt and fats of all kinds.  I eat doughnuts at least once a week.  They are delicious.

Dinner hasn’t been going so well.  I used a recipe from a famous food podcast and the vile smell coming out of that pot caused a panicked cookie making session, cause if you can’t have dinner you might as well have cookies.  Not the best strategy.

I’ve had some problems with sour cream since the new year began.  It keeps committing suicide.  I know that you don’t believe me, but it’s true.  It jumps out of the grocery bag and spends time in my car, frozen and wrong.  It dives from the fridge and rolls under the island, only to be found a couple of days later pretty much smelling like the vile podcast meal.

I haven’t been cooking enough for these appetites that seem to grow exponentially as the days go on.  Last night I ate only the dredges from a plate, because there was simply nothing left.

So if you see me walking down the street (no doubt in search of doughnuts), give a wave if you can actually see me.  I may be so thin that I just disappear.

PS-I’m making the above beef soup for dinner.  I didn’t have a recipe just shoved a bunch of stuff in the crockpot.  It’ll be delicious, or really not.

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Just Make It!

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I’m always struck by how people chose to make a living.  Take my new favorite travel mug, a gift from my college roommate from her friend’s over at  The Makers Mill.  This mug is simple in design, utilitarian, and fun to hold.  Honestly, I did giggle a bit when I saw the hot chick.   After vacation I’m feeling more like a fried chicken, which is still a chicken, but certainly not a hot chick!

The Makers Mill company has its own vibe and specialization that is unique.  See, that’s what this year is really about for me–figuring out my space in the entrepreneur scene.  My business partners and I are lucky enough to be part of the Top Gun program from the Maine Center for Entrepreneurial Development.  We had the first meeting on Saturday and I was wowed by the innovation flowing around that room.  It struck me that entrepreneurs and writers are similar breeds, people full of ideas and passion and hope.

What the Top Gun program does is pair you with mentors that have been through the eye of the storm before you. Thing is, you can’t be a good writer without mentors, and I’m certain that this mentorship is going to help so much in the coming year.

So to all that makers and mentors, I’m raising my hot chick mug to you! Get working!

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Happy New Year.

ImageI went to yoga yesterday at this new funky little studio down the road.  There was a point in the practice were the instructor gave me a little dab of this delicious orange essential oil for the base of my palm.  The instructions were simple, to sink into the pose, take a couple of sniffs, and contemplate our year.

So there I was, kind of taking note of 2013 when I kind of had this vision.  It was a giant wheel floating around me.  When it stopped I noticed that there was a bunch of doors.  I kept getting up and moving through doors.  Every time I would step into one it was a different part of my life–my writing, my start-up, and my media opportunities.  Each time I went through a door, I’d say to myself,  “How’d I get get here?” I realized how out of my comfort zone I’ve moved since my days of traditional teaching and pensions and real paychecks and schedules.

Now each and every day is about living on the edge of success and failure, and this past year I’ve often found myself hanging on as this wheel spins faster and faster.  The thing is that there were so many doors left unopened, and I’m just so curious.

I know that by now you are asking yourself, “What in heck was in that oil?”  I want some for myself.  I can’t help you.  But I will say,  I’m not going to make specific goals for the year 2014.  I’m going to listen to my yoga instructor who said that maybe it’s better to be keep yourself open to things that might come.  Cause if this new year is anything like last year, it might be a pretty interesting ride.

Happy New Year!

 

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Holiday Season at Willard Beach.

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I’m always kind of amazed at how my little neighborhood embraces Christmas.  It’s not with huge lavish parties, but more with little impromptu events that will mark my children’s memories full of friends and food that people haven’t fussed over.  And I’m so glad about that.

Our local bookstore is bustling with people shopping local, buying loads of books to put under the tree.  Which is obviously the best present ever.  Our local bakery is full of tasty treats that are way better than your own home cooking, or mine at least.  You can’t go to these spots without seeing somebody you know and that adds to the fun.

At Willard Beach, there always seems to be somebody dressed up like Santa wandering around.  You’ll find him on a street corner waving at cars passing by, or simply walking down the road with a sack, or if you are lucky paddle boarding out in the bay.  I love this and am considering buying a suit of my own.  That’s free magic right there, Christmas magic.

I’m hoping that your holiday is full of books, tasty treats, friends, and Santa’s around every corner.  If not, strap on a suit and make your own magic.

Merry Christmas.

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The Christmas Tree Farm

The Christmas Tree Farm.

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IMG_0051Nothing like a trip to the farm!

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Cow Shit Corner Award: The Cold Scallop.

That's right, it says "Cow Shit Corner!"It’s been quite some time since I whipped out a Cow Shit Corner Award.  Thing is that not much has annoyed me in the past couple months, but nothing like the holiday season to bring out some grump.  It was simply bound to happen.

The Cold Scallop

We had a Groupon about to expire (you know, the fine print ones where you can only use it certain days and you had to have reservations and so even though you tried to use it you just can’t).  So there we were with this thing about to expire and had an almost free night.  We only had one small problem–we had to take a kid with us, the kid that’s maybe not so food flexible, the one with the food allergies.

No problem, I thought.

So we drove to Portland, looking at the beautiful lights.  We scored a great parking spot.  We were on track for a great night.  Then things changed.  Turns out that there really wasn’t that much that he really liked (and I was too cheap to spend twenty eight dollars on his protein entree).  He couldn’t have the pizza because of the allergies.  After a big conversation,  we decided to get the bacon and scallops BBQ style appetizer and french fries.

This is when the problem stared.

The scallops came perfectly seared, covered with a nice little BBQ glaze.  Kid took a big bite and spit five dollars worth of scallop onto the plate.

“It’s cold!” He said.

“No,” I said. “Scallops are never cold inside.”  So I took a bite.  The inside of that mollusk was cold as ice.

WHO DOES THAT? TO A KID?

Thinking it to be a mistake, we pulled over the waitress to ask.  I watched her eyes screw together as she said, “We cook our scallops medium rare.”

Okay lady, if that ice ball was medium rare than I’m twenty-two.

“Could you heat it up a bit?” I asked, gritting my teeth, cause suddenly I am that lady.

“Certainly,” she said, frosty as the inside of that scallop.

I saw the cook give me a dirty look from across the room and fire that scallop for just a nanosecond–turning sad scallop a toasty luke warm.  Gee thanks.

So fancy Portland eating place that charges so much you need to use Groupon to get people through your door.  You can take your ice cold scallop and stick it where…

I digress, congrats to you on  your Cow Shit Corner Award.

You are in good company!

Posted in Cow Poop Corner Award, Cow Shit Award, food, Maine | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

The Power of Oprah! A Doughnut Story.

Image 17Isn’t it weird when somebody says something and you just keep thinking about it.  Take for instance, Oprah.  My friend lent me her O magazine, so I could read an article by Martha Beck.  The article, To-Do List, or Not-to-Do List, talked about really streamlining the things in your life that are wearing you down so that you can enjoy the things that bring you true fulfillment.  Easy enough, right?

Well, as I was driving to Target, for the tenth time this month, I was thinking of how I’d rather be writing, or working on my start-up, or spending time with the kids when I realized that I hadn’t eaten.  This happens.  I make my to-do list.  I then work through the list and am so busy crossing things off my list that I don’t eat because I never put lunch on the list (I know, this is a sign of a crazy person!  I can’t help it!).

So I’m driving down the road and I’m starving.  I’m thinking about Oprah and Martha Beck.  On impulse, I pull into this great new little bakery that everyone’s been raving about.  I go in and I’m wowed.  Yummy looking doughnuts lined the shelves.  Filled doughnuts, doughnuts with chili, doughnuts with bacon!   Coconut doughnuts! Image 18

Then there was all of this little homemade hot pockets full of the most beautiful ingredients like goat cheese, veggies, and flavored meats.  There was Guinness beef stew pockets and Thanksgiving turkey pockets.  I felt like I’d hit the jacket.  I ordered a veggie with artichokes and spinach and goodness.  While I enjoyed it, I was still thinking of that list and priorities and the way things should be.

Then I read this article from the Bangor Daily News: Chicago Baker behind Oprah’s favorite cookie takes business to South Portland.  What?  How does Oprah do that? How does she get into your brain and push you around town to eat the most delicious lunch while thinking about her delicious articles?

So I leave you with two thoughts:

1.) Eat at Little Bigs.

2.) Listen to Oprah!

 

Follow them on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LittleBigs

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Wicked or Good?

IMG_0044When I was at the Farnsworth Museum this past weekend, I was kind of thrilled to find these icons in the bathroom.  The thought of having to chose between a wicked or a good stall appealed to my sense of young adult humor that I often live with for chunks of time.

The whole idea that you get to chose each day to be wicked or good is the thing that truly drives YA writing.  For me, it’s so easy to be wicked.  To muck around in the mind of a deviant.  Being wicked in writing feels simply good.  I guess that might be truly who I am. A naughty little girl tucked into this adult body.

But being wicked is in constant conflict with being just a good person in real life.  You know what I mean?  Deep down, we all try to do what’s best every day.  I want to be the person that gives back to society, who is there for friends, who shows up!

If you could chose at that very moment to be good or bad, which stall would you walk?

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Wicked or good?

 

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